Recovering the Lamb in your Spouse! You may wonder: what’s the lamb? And what does recovering the lamb mean?
Change in your couple
Today you may be wandering, as some people say about their spouse: this is not the person I married. It’s like your spouse has become a different person altogether. Nothing works anymore between you two.
The spouse who was once like a pet, whom you adored and caressed, today has become a lion you never dare to touch anymore. But this was an affectionate person who whispered on your ears those sweet words that left you feeling you were a princess or a prince. You were so connected with your partner so much that just a glance and they knew what you needed. And so, they were ever attentive to render you little services. You felt you had a companion. That was the lamb in your spouse.
Unfortunately, it may no longer be the case today. Today, your spouse hardly addresses you a gentle word, and for the services that they rendered you voluntarily, without you asking for them, today even if you ask, you will be lucky to have a polite answer from them.
That tenderness and gentleness of the lamb are gone and there seems to remain only the glowing lion; that’s all seems to remain of your partner. You simply have no idea what has gone wrong. In such circumstances, there’s a risk of you acting in the manner that helps the lion to settle even though it’s the lamb you want.
Is your reaction part of the solution or part of the problem
As reaction, you are likely to demonise your partner as a way of justifying your reaction. Far from seeking and proposing a solution, you are preoccupied with proving that your reaction is appropriate considering the behaviour of your spouse. But that doesn’t help your relationship, if anything, it only worsens the situation. That’s why you need to check out if the way you react to your spouse is part of the solution or is part of the problem, that is, if what you do helps to resolve the problem or only worsens it. Whatever you do should be inspired by a healthy belief about your spouse. What is that belief?
The Lamb is still there
Even though your spouse shows more of the lion tendency it’s important to keep it in mind that the lamb is still there too. But if the lion co-exists with the lamb, isn’t there the danger of the lion devouring the lamb?
No worries! You don’t need to panic about seeking to save the lamb from the grip of the lion. In fact, I doubt if you will be able to overpower the lion in order to rescue the lamb. If anything, you risk provoking the lion, and thus endangering the lamb. All you need to do, firstly, is to avoid the action-reaction, especially the temptation to activate the little lion in you to fight the lion in your spouse. Or else, you risk finding yourself in the vicious circle of violence. In such a way, it’s the lion that is strengthened further and the lamb is weakened.
So, what do you do?
Starve the lion and feed the lamb, which means: speak words that show you still believe in your partner; words that are going to give confidence to the lamb in your partner. Make your spouse believe in themselves, talk about their qualities and state your feelings about what’s happening in your couple without judging them.
You should know, aggressive partners, often, are not the strongest persons you can find. They are only vulnerable persons simply seeking to protect themselves. The lion attitude that they may develop in the relationship is only a way of assuring their own security. But when you assure them and make them feel secure; they need no more the lion to glow for their security. And once they are secure, the lamb that you thought had disappeared, to your surprise, will just come out trotting, of course, to your pleasure. In that way, gentleness finds its place again in your relationship.
Action in favour of the lamb
Identify: what’s the lion in your partner’s behaviour today? How are you responding? Are you acting in the manner that makes your partner feel the need of the powerful lion to protect them? What words and actions, as change on your part, would render useless the protection of the lion and thus make lamb secure enough to come out?
It means, by the way you react to the behaviour of your spouse, you either strengthen the lion or you encourage the lamb to come out. So, it’s not just about the other spouse; it’s the matter between you -and both of you are responsible for whatever is going on in your couple. Hence, it comes back to you to decide and to act accordingly depending on what you want for your relationship -giving more space to the lion or to the lamb?
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