Making Hedges in Your Couple III; Master What You See

Three areas in need of personal hedges

The three aspects include: eyes, actions and the mind for the internal personal hedges.


The attraction begins with the eyes, and where you focus your eyes matters. So, you can ask: who’s that person who draws the attention of your eyes? How are you managing that?


To be attracted to someone is natural, and it’s harmless in itself. But the words and actions by which you respond to that attraction matter. Do you speak to that person, respecting that you are already in a relationship? Or do you speak in the way that oversteps the boundaries of decency, self-respect and respect for the other?


The mind can make you wonder, drift, but you need to tell yourself: I’m married, probably the other too. Some people would argue: I have not slept with her or him, so, it’s nothing. Infidelity is not just physical sexual intercourse; it can also be simply emotional attachment. You are so attached emotionally to another woman or man more than you are to your partner.

Hints, something is happening

Indeed, you may have not slept with that person, and you continue to claim there’s nothing; however, watch out for following signs:

Firstly, if you desire to be alone with that person, and the presence of others becomes disturbing, then, there’s something there.

Secondly, when you feel it’s not safe for your partner to know all that you talk about with that person. Can you tell your spouse all that you talk about? If there’s something embarrassing that you can’t share with your partner, it’s a good sign of a probable overstepping of boundaries.

Signs of stepping boundaries

So, here’s how you can tell if your relationship is getting beyond boundaries: Secrecy, emotional intimacy and sexual chemistry.


Hiding feelings and actions in a friendship is a sign that something else is going on.

Emotional intimacy

When you begin to find support and companionship outside more than from your partner, something is happening. You begin to reveal intimate issues with that person, even things you hardly share with your partner; you begin to find consolation in that other person, and not from your partner. 

So, you can introspect yourself; Who’s that person before whom you are pouring out your most intimate feelings? Is it your spouse, or someone else? On which shoulder do you long to lean and cry when things are hard for you?

Sexual chemistry

Gary Chapman calls it “trigger,” the feeling that a person is attractive to you. It’s not evil to be attracted; but then, when you realise that you are not married to the person, it’s an indicator that the relationship is going beyond boundaries. So, how are you dealing with those feelings?

If you have those elements; and you don’t run away, that is, you are not bothering to keep a distance, but rather go on to have exclusive moments with that person, then, you have all it takes to fall into infidelity.

Internal hedges as couple

Improving effective communication and managing well conflicts to enhance intimacy and friendship. This will help to bring about satisfaction in a relationship, hence, there will be little temptation to go and seek it outside. A certain woman said: I don’t just feel loved enough; I’m married but I’m kind of always longing for someone, I don’t know who, who will love me.

How do you feel about your spouse? Satisfied? Unsatisfied? And what are you doing about it?

For now, feel free to encourage and inspire others by a comment or a contribution in the comment space below the post. Join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group namedCOUPLES’ CORNERYou can also subscribe on my blog, to receive new postings by email.

See also:

The Threat to Your Couple; Making Hedges II

Making a hedge in Your Couple I

Wrong Partner II; Infidelity in a Familiar Kitchen!

When You Feel You Have a Wrong Partner

When Men Choose a partner

Choosing your conjugal partner

Recovering the Lamb in your Spouse

When You Fall in love

Couples’ Corner: New Series for your Couple

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