In the last chat, still on the topic: Making hedges in a couple, we looked at the possible protections you can put in place, as far as internal personal hedges are concerned. In this new chat, and the last one on this topic, we look at the protection regarding the threats that may come internally from the partners themselves. That’s why we talk about the internal hedges as couple.
Internal hedges as couple
Some of the important forms of protections for a couple collectively are: effective communication and managing well conflicts. These will enhance intimacy and friendship, necessary for the bonding between partners in a couple. This will help to bring about satisfaction in a relationship, hence, there will be little temptation to go and seek it outside.
If there are unresolved issues, have the courage to discuss them, peacefully, with your partner. Don’t leave any important issue unresolved.
So, just look into your life as couple; aren’t there unresolved issues. Warning: if there are issues, just know that you have fertile soil for infidelity to flourish.
That’s why when you have cases of infidelity; just know that it’s not just about that spouse who went outside the relationship. It’s your affair together as couple. In fact, infidelity may be just an indicator that there’s crack in your couple, which you need to mend, before it gets worse! It’s a shared responsibility. And that can be achieved through partners who talk, and listen, to each other. Communication!
Talking about intimacy, we can’t bypass sexual relationship. A couple that has sexual challenges is likely to have dissatisfaction in the relationship. In fact, sex is one of the many principal triggers of tension in a couple. Hence, as couple, you should consider seriously improving your sexual life.
What are some of sexual challenges in your couple? For how long have they been there? And what are you doing about them?
Marriage is more than just fulfilling the role of wife and mother or husband and father. When you are in a good relationship with your partner, as friends, you miss the other. You long to return home. On the contrary, if dispute is the only thing between you, you certainly have no desire of returning home when you are absent. You stay out, you only come back to sleep.
Balance, equilibrium, is another necessary element for making an internal hedge as couple. Be careful with anything that comes to break your relationship. You may be committed to a cause so much that your role as wife/husband or mother/father suffers. So, if every time your husband, for example, comes home looking forward to meeting his sweetie -but perhaps you are always at church. Don’t be surprised if he ends up getting some “pagan” who’s more available.
So, if you think your spouse is having an affair; check yourself if you yourself, in some way, are not having an affair too. It may be with drink, work, business or any other noble cause. Check for anything that is coming between you and your spouse.
Talking of adultery or infidelity, we think people go out for sex; not always. They may look out for affection that they don’t get; eyes to look at them and make them feel a woman again. A woman desires to be looked at and be appreciated. It’s your role as husband to appreciate her, if not, another man will appreciate her, in your place. And that can have disastrous consequences.
When we talk of making hedges, we are not talking about being jealous; it’s not about watching whatever your partner is doing. It’s about saying, we are together in a relationship, we love each other, and we are interested in protecting our relationship from possible attacks. The attacks, as we have seen, can be from outside or from the couple itself.
Depending on the danger, you need to take the appropriate measures. Whatever the case, you are talking about protecting your couple, your marriage. So, it’s not about a man watching the wife or the wife watching the husband, but rather, working together, as a team, to safeguard your relationship.
Well, each couple is living in a different reality, and each partner in the couple has different strengths and weakness. Man know thyself. You know yourself and you know your partner. Don’t expose your partner, or yourself, to situations where you know they are vulnerable. Take precautions; avoid certain places and certain company. The future of your couple is in your hands, and it depends on how much you invest in it.
For now, feel free to encourage and inspire others by a comment or a contribution in the comment space below the post. Join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group named: COUPLES’ CORNER. You can also subscribe on my blog, https://singlehumanity.com/ to receive new postings by email.