As part of the series on relationship, here we look at the importance of a vision in your relationship. We may say, what service does a vision render to a relationship?
Having a vision in whatever you do is fundamental. It’s true for a relationship too. Having no vision is like a boat without a sailor, it drifts on the sea carried by the current of the moment. A vision is like a conviction that you have about relationship, it gives you an orientation. The vision, hence, gives a sense of direction and stability to your relationship even in the face of events that are likely to influence your relationship. It’s for that reason we can safely affirm that the future of a relationship is significantly dependent on the vision you have about your partner and about the relationship itself. But what do we mean by vision here?
What is the vision?
The word vision, with a Latin root vis, means to see. Hence, we will speak of vision as the capacity to see or to perceive that enables you to interpret the surrounding. However, there’s another meaning of the vision that goes beyond the capacity to see with one’s eyes. So, we speak of vision in terms of an idea or mental image. Thanks to such a meaning of the vision, we are able to plan or project ourselves into the future. Here the vision serves as an objective, that is, something or the state which we would like to attain.
In an organization we find what we call a mission statement or vision statement. In the mission statement, often written, you express the goals, the aspirations, or the direction to which you want to sail your organization. That can apply also to one’s personal life, as well as in one’s love relationship. As an individual, or as a couple, you define what you would like to become or accomplish. Through the vision, there’s a certain image of yourself that you sell out there. You cherish a dream to which you commit yourself for it to become a reality. We can then summarize the sense of vision in terms of two facets: as a goal and as understanding.
Vision as a goal
Vision as goal implies objectives or goals that you set for yourselves which are going to serve as a stimulus, or motor, to keep you moving towards achieving your set standards. We have already spoken about the importance of being intentional in what you do. By vision statement, you state the intention for your relationship: where are you moving to? What do you want to achieve in your relationship?
Vision as understanding
Vision as understanding is about how you see things and how do you interpret them. Such knowledge, or point of view, will influence how you will relate to a person or an activity. Why is this important? Simply because we are all manufacturers. Really? Oh yes!
What we hear, see, touch, taste or smell are raw materials which we process. We treat information. How we are going to treat information betrays our position vis-à-vis that information or event. In fact, our treatment of that information will depend on our needs or experience which will also colour our reaction. What does that mean?
Well, if your vision of marriage or relationship is something like a new gadget that you can obtain, and hope to get something better tomorrow, then, you don’t work to repair the gadget. When it doesn’t work, what’s the point of repairing it; you go out to get the latest one. It’s the same thing if you enter a relationship with the intention of a lasting commitment, your self-application will be equally total. It’s not the same when the exit door is kept open from day one, then, your relationship will be like hand to mouth kind of, no banking for the future. Certainly, you won’t bother yourself much about a relationship that has no promising future. The fun of the moment suffices. Here we can let ourselves be inspired by Peter Marshall about vision:
“Give to us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for
- because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything.”
So, how do you look at your relationship: as something worth fighting for, or as something you can easily abandon for another one? This is not just about how you view the relationship but also your partner. The way you look at, and understand, your partner will determine also how you will relate to them.
Where are you?
What’s your vision of your partner, and of your relationship?
How does your vision, and that of your partner, affect your relationship?
What aspects of your vision, and that of your partner, do you need to work on so as to improve the quality of your interaction?
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See also:
My love and I, the Quality of our Relationship
Before your Next Step II: What has brought your couple this far?
Expectations IV. Harmonising Expectations in your Couple