Human Ecology Archives - Single humanity

Do you know the enemy of your relationship?

31/12/2017 by Evans Chama Leave a Comment

At the end of 2017, as you look forward to a new year, you most likely want not only to evaluate how you fared in your relationship but you also make resolutions that reveal your dreams for the future. You want 2018 to bring happiness and joy to your relationship. But how will that be possible?

You are not opponents but teammates, looking in the same direction -the sucess of your relationship.

2018 dream for your relationship

Have no illusion about it. Making resolutions at the beginning of a new year is not about abandoning yourself to some destiny that will, magically, fulfil your desires. If you think so, I’m afraid, you expose yourself to deception. However, I’m hopeful, a better relationship in 2018 remains a wide opportunity –but, it depends on you as couple (How to Restore Warmth to your Relationship).

It’s for that reason I want to propose to you another element that may be necessary for improving your relationship –know your enemy! Why the enemy?

The enemy may unite your couple

Take your time know who or what the enemy of your relationship is. Ridiculous! Isn’t that obvious? Perhaps, it’s not as obvious as you may think. Besides, what’s the importance of knowing the enemy?

Talking of enemy, naturally, you imagine someone to fight and, by all means, to keep at a distance. However, I would say, knowing your enemy will do good to your relationship. Doesn’t that make you wonder? Well, let’s see how the enemy can be a resource to your relationship.

The enemy unites. It’s not rare to see two persons who are not friends but who end up joining forces and act together when they discover that they have a common enemy. Similarly, a common enemy can stimulate you, as couple, to pull up your resources in order to act together for the good of your relationship. But, you need to take care to identify the real enemy, or else, you will waste not only your energy but you risk also damaging further your relationship.

That’s why in this article, focused on the enemy of your relationship, we shall look, firstly, at the false enemy; then we shall see how to identify the real enemy; and thirdly, we shall discuss how you can turn that enemy into a resource to improve your relationship.

Your partner as enemy; are you sure?

It happens sometimes that you engage yourself into a merciless battle against a person whom you suspect to be your enemy. That can be frustrating! You apply all your energy but reap no desired fruit simply because you misdirected your efforts by fighting a wrong person. Moreover, you find yourself fighting, unknowingly, the person with whom you are supposed to collaborate. Unfortunately that happens often. When a problem arises in a relationship you are quick to take the partner for enemy. What a fatal mistake for a relationship!

Difficulties in a relationship may manifest themselves in various forms such as: lack of interest in the other, unfaithfulness, unjustifiable absence, and avoiding the other; to mention but just a few. Well, you know better the problems in your relationship. And the tendency is to look at the other partner as being the one ruining the relationship. So, what next?

You reprimand him, punish him and you fight him; hoping that will improve the relationship. I just wonder if you are aware of what you actually doing.

Well, when you do that, it seems clear to me, you are not acting as a couple but rather as individual, and each person finds oneself at one end of the a rope claiming to be innocent while pointing an accusing finger at the other. In other words, you place yourself in a tug of war. Surely, that will not save your relationship, in fact, it risks breaking. Besides, the other is no longer a partner with whom you can cooperate but an opponent against whom you engage yourself in competition. Most likely, such attitude may come from the manner you look at conflicts.

Hence, you may need to revisit the way you view conflicts

Some people look at the problems of their relationship in the linear way. What does that mean? You take the other person as being singly responsible for the problem you may be experiencing in a couple; he’s predator and you are prey.

Such tendency reveals that you consider problems in the relationship not from the perspective of a couple but from your personal, isolated position. You care little to appreciate how your partner may be equally suffering as a result of the conflictual situation of your relationship. In short, you are not working on your relationship as couple but seeking to satisfy your position. And so, as solution, you hope for the other to change. Illusion! Illusion! Oh yes, what an illusion!

Hey, why not try another approach?

In order to know the enemy of your relationship try to identify the behaviour, as couple, that is making your relationship to suffer. For that, you will need to come out from the narrow perspective of considering relational problem in terms of straight line. Problems in a couple are not linear but circular for you are in give and take dynamic. When your partner does something, good or bad, you respond in certain way –by action, word or silence. And you have, whatever your response is, an impact on the relationship thereafter. What happens to your relationship is no longer simply a result of what your partner did, but the fruit of the interaction between you two. This is to say, you influence each other mutually since you in an I-thou interaction. What does that imply?

He’s your teammate, not your opponent

No matter how strongly you may feel, or think, that your partner is responsible for what’s wrong in your relationship, bear it in mind, you too are part of it. And just as the state of your relationship today depends on your interaction as couple so is the solution. Regaining the health of your relationship does not lie in what the other should do or change but in what the two of you will do as couple. In this case, you and your partner are not positioned at opposed ends of the rope as opponents. So, you will do well to position yourselves on the common spot and pull in the same direction. Then, the enemy is not your partner as such but that behaviour or situation that creates a divide between you two. So you will need to take care; if you are struggling to improve your relationship but with an eye that views the partner as enemy, I’m sorry to say, but you are engaged in a match lost well in advance.

So instead of looking at your partner as enemy who’s sabotaging the relationship, seek rather to find out what is it that’s preventing you from living well as happy couple. Even when you may catch partner in an evident act, like infidelity –have the courage to dig deep to find out how you are possibly part of it. Identify that enemy and then, together with your partner, join forces to fight it, not as opponents but collaborators. Remember, in a failed relationship there is not just one but at least two victims –it’s about you two. And so, a solution to a problem that favours one person is certainly harmful to the couple.

In conclusion, what I can say?

In this article we have tried to establish the fact that conflicts will always be there in your relationship. Before you can even begin to think of the way of dealing with them you need to assume a right attitude vis-à-vis those conflicts and vis-à-vis your partner. Your relationship will come out stronger from your conflicts if your efforts feed on the understanding that the other is not an enemy but a partner with whom you will join forces in order to find a lasting solution to whatever is threatening your union.

Do you have dreams for your relationship? Well, don’t let yourself be put off by whatever conflicts you may have now. Sit down with partner and identify that enemy that is dividing you. Then, see in the other, not an enemy to fight, but a partner with whom you can join forces to combat your common enemy. If you can do that with determination, then, the year 2018 would be a favourable season for you reap the fruits of an improved relationship. I wish you a better and happy couple in 2018.

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Crossroads: When Greed feeds on Deceit and Abuse

12/11/2017 by Evans Chama Leave a Comment

In this passage, Genesis 27:1-40, we have Jacob who goes all the way to suck and to drain empty his elder brother, Esau, of the little that remains for him –the blessing of their father. And in order to arrive at that Jacob deceives his father and abuses the name of God. It’s sad to say but even today our world is infested with such elusive, professional dupers. Greed is a dark spot in our co-existence today –the tendency to transform my fellow human being into an object for my use, especially for selfish motives.

Crossroads, a point where the word of God and my life meet

Greed of Jacob in progress

We saw in the previous post, Crossroads: Making Profit out of other Person’s Misery, how Jacob capitalised on the helplessness of his starving brother, Esau, to make him let go his birth right in exchange for soup. I even doubt the quality of that soup! This envious young brother doesn’t stop there but goes further to turn Esau upside-down to empty him of everything.

In a deceitful machination, in connivance with his mother, Jacob profits of the poor eye-sight of his Father, Isaac, to steal the blessing intended for his brother. The mother, Rachel, overhears Isaac send Esau to go hunting so that he can prepare him a meal and thereafter receive a blessing. When Esau is gone out hunting, Rachel and Jacob prepare a meal out of their domesticated animals and Jacob disguise himself to present himself before his father as Esau.

Nothing is sacred when it comes to greediness

When Jacob presents the dish before his father, Isaac wonders how he managed so quickly to hunt and prepare the meal. Jacob does not hesitate to make use of God’s name to give legitimacy to his treachery and so convince his father: “Yahweh, your God, guided me” (Genesis 27: 20). Indeed, his response is super pious but empty of the fear of God –it drips with avidity.

When Esau returns it’s too late. He prepares the game he’s hunted and presents a meal before his father, ready to receive the blessing. But there’s little remaining for him –he’s been swindled by his baby brother, a resolute fraudster. His effort and toil just come to nothing.

Deceitful Greed as astuteness

How soothing it would be if this was only a beautiful story from ancient literature! Unfortunately many families, and our world at large, are not spared of such unbridled greed. How many members of a family, even as you read this, are tearing one another apart because each one wants to get a better part than others?

We live in the world where it seems to be an acceptable business astuteness to exploit the naivety and the trust of simple people to get away with what we want. When you manage to do that they don’t consider you being deceitful but smart. In the end, we have many people who, like Esau, toil day and night but deprived of their reward.

In verse 36 Jacob is described as someone who dupes. It’s sad that in many walks of life we find many professional dupers who, without mercy, continue to swindle others of even the little they have. Hence, the cry of Esau continues to be heard: He has duped me two times. Wasn’t it sufficient for him to swindle me out of my rights of the first born son that he goes on to steal blessings destined for me?

I think of ordinary, poor workers in today’s unbridled capitalism who are condemned to work in conditions that border on slavery, hence, they are swindled not only of their right to work in humane conditions but also their right to just salaries. After labouring the whole the month many are the workers who go home with only crumbs.

What’s my position in this?

My thoughts and sympathy go to such exploited workers and also to families who are actually living conflictual situations. But I realise that’s not enough! And so the question I ask myself is this: am I part of the problem or part of the solution?

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Crossroads: Making Profit out of other Person’s Misery

05/11/2017 by Evans Chama Leave a Comment

What we find in Genesis 25:29-34 is hard to believe yet it’s annoyingly truly; Jacob rushes to make profit out of his brother’s misery. Unfortunately, such avarice continues to taint our relationships even today. If we want to relate a little more humanly with others we certainly need to bridle the little Jacob in us.

Crossroads, a point where the word of God and my life meet

First, surrender to me Your Rights of First-born Son

“Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. He said to Jacob, ‘Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!’…. Jacob replied, ‘First sell me your birthright. ‘Look, I am about to die,’ Esau said. ‘What good is the birthright to me?’ But Jacob said, ‘Swear to me first.’ So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright.” (Gn 25:29-34).

Esau and Jacob are brothers yet the relationship between them seems to be charged with selfishness, jealousy, competition, envy and everything else capable of ruining not only the relationship but also the persons themselves. Jacob sees the starving brother as the best opportunity to milk out of him what he has always envied. On this level humanity seems not to have changed much. Even today, how many times do we exploit other people’s misery for our gain?

Misery as entrance door to help or to exploit?

The developed nations capitalise on the misery of Third World countries to make maximum profit for themselves. Take investors for example: to many unsuspicious persons they appear like those bringing development. Yet, as matter of fact, they are only profit seekers. And so they will invest in the country where they will get cheap labour and cheap material for production in order to maximise their profit. They are not concerned at all about the living conditions of those poor persons who labour for them.

We use the power we have, whatever the form, to tie and control other people as we wish but in a subtle way. Some people will appear to be philanthropist by offering a job to a person in precarious economic situation. At the same time they exploit his desperation to impose the most inhuman working conditions in terms of payment and hours of work. Domestic servants and those in piece work jobs are often the most victims. That’s the little Jacob at work in us.

This biblical text should remind me of the times that I might have not been just enough in my relationships with others, especially those in situation of misery. I need to pay attention to the greedy Jacob in me so that I can relate with others in the manner that respects the humanity we share in common.

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Crossroads: Cultivating a Regard Humane

30/07/2017 by Evans Chama Leave a Comment

How I behave before another person, by my attitude, words or action; depends on how I esteem that particular person: as superior, equal or inferior to me? This happens so unconsciously that I’m hardly aware of how I treat the other. That’s why I need to train myself to develop a regard that’s more humane. Adam can help.

Crossroads, a point where God’s word and my life meet

Adam exclaims:
 “Now this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”
 (Genesis 2:23).

A perspective humane, not just gender

This text of Genesis is used often to talk about marriage or the relationship between man and woman. However, the inspiration I get here is rather a question of relationship between humans.

In his exclamation Adam recognises in this other person brought him as someone of his nature. It’s like he’s looking at himself through the mirror. In Eve he sees someone with whom he can enter a relationship of communion between equals.

But the question that boils within me is this: am I capable of exclaiming like Adam at the sight of any human person in my sight, even when that person is not of my family, not a friend, or not of the class of my belonging?

What’s my regard, humane or vicious?

Someone made a following reflection about country people in Africa. People lived in fear of ferocious wild animals like lions. So they thought their life would be more secure if they managed to get rid of vicious animals. In many places, unfortunately, people have managed get rid of such animals. Yet, their live are no better secure than before! Why?

In places where they feared to meet lions today they meet human beings and they just can’t predict the result of such meeting. And such uncertain we see it around the globe.

You can meet a person who offers you a helping hand because he recognises in you a human person like him, worthy of respect. But you can also meet a ferocious lion in another person. Unfortunately, it happens too often.

I meet a stranger, instead of helping, I capitalise on his vulnerability for my personal gain. People have been attacked physically, even killed gratuitously. Others will profit of the misery of the other to turn them into sexual objects or instruments for making profit. Yes, lions may be no longer there but we are not secure –a person of our flesh sometimes becomes a fierce animal to us. That happens because of the lack of a regard that is humane on the others.

A call to cultivate a regard that’s humane

It’s in this sense I find the exclamation of Adam as conscience raising, calling me to improve the way I look at others. I need to develop a reflex, humane, that will enable me to recognise in the other, whoever the person is; someone I can love and respect.

Crossroads: Word of Your Mouth, Builder or Demolisher

Human sacrifice! Oh, savages are still there!

05/02/2017 by Evans Chama Leave a Comment

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Just the mention of human sacrifice makes me shudder. I wonder how one can reconcile oneself with butchering a fellow human person for sacrifice. It’s just hard to believe how such inhumanity has penetrated and maintained its place even in offices of the modern world. That challenges our illusion about human sacrifice.

Human sacrifice, oh savages are still there!

Illusion about human sacrifice

Convinced that human sacrifice was a problem of virgin tribes untouched by civilisation or the Gospel, the conclusion was that let’s civilise the brutes and such human folly will be history. And what followed was canonised.

The civilising mission, fuelled by superiority complex, fed on deficiency of self-introspection, colonialism was girded in noble cloak that not only hid its low birth but also masked its stench of capitalism and imperialism. What was highlighted was the gracious mission of saving primitive tribes before they exterminated themselves by their silly superstitions. In that sense, colonial masters became pals of ministers of the gospel in shared mission of combatting the abominable practices.

After years of colonialism, and many years of missionary activities, green forests have been transformed into stretch of concrete pavements; initiation ceremonies are transformed into classes where young people study the minutiae of the Arctic pole and its natives, the Eskimos or the routes that Christopher Columbus travelled. In place of sacrifices offered to ancestral spirits at the source of a stream or under a big tree, accompanied by incomprehensible incantations; now you have solemn liturgies with exotic symbols burrowed from Mars, performed in a gigantesque building standing lonely among village huts. Doesn’t that sound to be perfect civilisation?

To civilise, really?

The question doesn’t interest me in this article, nevertheless, it suffices to acknowledge that the debate exists. Moreover, no matter the side you take history obliges you to concede to certain facts. The mission to enlighten the natives of the Dark Continent has indeed a good share of reproach, yet, its credit is indisputable.

Can you imagine how many babies were dumped and left to die in the forest just because they were born twins or they cut their teeth on upper jaws? I’m not a twin, that’s clear, but concerning on which jaw I cut my teeth remains open ended. That renders me a possible beneficiary of the contested civilisation.

However, even after more than a century of such civilisation, and with all its achievements, we are still far away from blowing final whistle. Human sacrifice continues. Why?

Enduring belief in human sacrifice

Tribal people believed that in certain cases of provocation their gluttonous gods couldn’t be appeased with nothing less than human sacrifice. And the failure to do that, they feared, the entire land ran the risk of being plunged into fatal epidemics or droughts. In that way, human sacrifice became necessary to ensure prosperity and well-being of society. Believe me, that’s an affair not only for forest brutes.

Our minds have been formatted somewhat ideologically that’s why we persist to associate human sacrifice with distant tribes. Consequently, we cannot recognise the same evil taking place just in front of our nose. Well-dressed people, in their well-furnished offices, continue to offer human sacrifice to Plutus, a god just as avaricious as his tribal counterparts.

Don’t look to the forest

Think of the big profits of multinational companies? You think it’s only about hard working? They also strongly believe they can’t make profit without human blood. Instead of paying the full price of what doing business requires they resort to human sacrifice.

When they realise exacting laws in a country that block their folly, they are ready to transfer their business, even thousands of miles across the seas, till they find human heads available for sacrifice. Examples are abundant.

If their dirty products will make them answerable and spend a lot of money, they choose to offload it into a country where they will get away with it. It’s the case of fuel with high content of sulphur inacceptable in Europe. They dump it in Ghana, Videos: Stop dumping death in Africa! Stop your toxic trade!

Similarly, after massive productions for big profits companies remain with huge amount of wastes in their yards. In some countries that will cost them dearly to hand those wastes responsibly. Why not dump it in some poor country like Ivory Coast where a cent will suffice?

In both cases, Ghana and Ivory Coast, which are only examples of the many cases, you should see the consequences on the health of the people. But who cares? They do that to avoid losing money. For Multinationals it’s bearable to risk the life of a human person than reduce the amount of profit to gain.

That’s why workers, for meagre salaries, are subjected to harsh working conditions where they work like automated machines. At the end of their working career they don’t speak of an experience that enriched their humanity, instead, not only are they left handicapped for the rest of their lives but also too poor to have decent medical care. They are just abandoned like dirty rags.

Oh, savages are still there!

You only understand why, in the face of economic crisis that hit Portugal, the late father of Portuguese democracy, Mario Soares, criticised the European countries for having drifted from the principles solidarity of the founding fathers of the union only to abandon themselves to what he described as savage capitalism.

Indeed, when I look at the misery that a human person is subjected to in the name of economy and profit, I realise that the mission of civilisation is far from being over. Human sacrifices have continued not necessarily among primitive people in virginal forests but also among the so called civilised executives in digitalised offices.

Evidently, human sacrifice is a folly not only of uncivilised tribal brutes but a fruit of an avaricious human heart that values more money than a human person. No heart sanitation more tragedies. Therefore, as long as unrestrained capitalism continues to reign it’s an illusion to hope for an end of this folly of human sacrifice simply because savages are still there.

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