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Wrong Partner II; Infidelity in a Familiar Kitchen!

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Infidelity in a familiar kitchen is the title I give to this second part of the topic: When you feel you have a wrong partner. This is because one of the consequences of such feeling, if not well managed, is disloyalty to the partner, especially in form of extra-conjugal affairs with people who may be very close to you as a couple. In fact, it begins with comparing.

We have established that there comes a time when you begin to wonder whether you have chosen a right person for your partner. And that’s normal. However, the consequence of such sentiments depends on what you do with them. And one danger is comparing.

Comparison, enemy of your relationship

You may begin to measure your partner against your beliefs about how a partner should be, consequently, you want your partner to fit in the pattern of your ideals. Worse enough, you begin to compare your partner with their friends to the point of entertaining the idea that you would have been, perhaps, better off if you were married to your partner’s friend. No surprise then that in extra-conjugal affairs, when there are frustrations in a couple, it’s not rare to find close friends involved. That’s why I talk about infidelity baked in a familiar kitchen. Women are more prone to such comparison than men, according to Marriage and Family therapist, William Doherty.

While it’s important to have ideals, and we all have them, however, it can be disastrous to be fixated to what you consider as ideal partner and ideal relationship. You no longer work to improve your actual relationship, but you are busy fantasising over what it should be. As a result, there’s a risk of being bossy as you try to force your partner to bend to your ideals. Your partner may not appreciate it, and so, you are likely to get it back into your face, in form of hostile reaction. A relationship that is worthy the name, is fashioned not by one person but by the partners involved. But, does that mean that every person is good for you for a partner? No!

Certain partner may not be good for you

For any relationship to work, there must be points where you cross paths as partners. Indeed, how do we talk of a relationship if you have nothing in common? They will be considered as wrong partners for you persons with whom you don’t share fundamental values and goals. With such persons it’s just impossible to advance together in the same direction. Here, the responsibility is on the one choosing the partner.

Before you can enter a durable relationship, you need to be mature enough to have developed your personality, that is, you discover who you are, and your fundamental values and goals in life. In that way, you have an idea what kind of person you want to spend life with, capable of helping you realise what’s core to your life. Getting into a life commitment without knowing where you stand, you risk passing from one relationship to another, thinking it’s the other person who’s bad, but in fact, you are simply still trying to discover yourself. And if you do not know who you are, and what you are looking for, it will be hard to choose the right partner for you.

The question as occasion for growth

We have established that, wondering if your partner is the right person for you, is something that every person may experience at a certain point. What will make the difference, however, is the manner you make use of such sentiments. The question posed, as a kind of disillusionment, can be an occasion of growth for you and for your relationship. That is, you come to know yourself better, recognising your needs especially the unfulfilled ones. In fact, it gives you the possibility of talking about your needs with your partner. It’s necessary in a relationship to be able to express your needs to your partner. Indeed, talking about your needs is like exposing your vulnerability, which is also important in a relationship. Telling your partner about your profound yearnings, what you would like to realise in your life and what you lack, contributes to knowing each other mutually. In that way, instead of complaining or planning straightaway to leave the relationship, you have the possibility of discussing how those needs can be met within your relationship.

What’s your focus?

Another way in which the disillusionment can be an occasion for growth, is when you change the motivation. You no longer focus on what’s good for you alone, which is self-centred, but you focus on the health of that bond that unites you as partners. Then, you become more accommodating than retaliating in the manner you respond to what’s happening in your relationship. It may not be easy, but if continuing the relationship is a value for you, you are likely not only to invest much effort, but also to make the necessary sacrifice, for the good of the relationship. On the contrary, if you have no intention to remain in the relationship, anything displeasing will only serve as an excuse to seek an exit door, out of your relationship.

Partner interested in the relationship

So, it’s not just about compatibility for the relationship to work; there’s need for a will and investment. “There is no such thing as two people meant for each other,” says Michelle Givertz, “It’s a matter of adjusting and adapting.” Indeed, a couple will most likely pull through its challenges if the two partners have interest in their relationship; that is, if they are ready to accommodate each other and make necessary adjustments. Doherty’s observation is pertinent for introspection: “We’re all difficult. Everyone who is married is a difficult spouse. We emphasize that our spouse is difficult and forget how we’re difficult for them.” So, I would say, we only need to accept the normal course of any conjugal relationship: first, the fantasy of idealizing the partner, and later, the shock of realising that your partner isn’t that perfect as you thought them to be.   

Finally, what are you looking for?

In conclusion, I would say, while the question: did I marry the right person is likely to come up at a certain point, however, what will determine the future of your relationship is: what are you looking for, and how do you want to obtain it? I explain.

If it’s about your interest alone, satisfying your image of an ideal partner and ideal relationship, then, you will most likely manipulate your partner in the attempt to bend them to what you want. And given that you have no power to change them, you will most likely look elsewhere for satisfaction- such an attitude is a threat to the long-term relationship. It can lead to unfaithfulness, if not a complete break-up of the relationship.

Growing from your questions

On the other hand, you may wonder, all right, if your actual partner is the right one, and yet, you sincerely seek the well-being of your relationship. That is, it’s not just about what’s pleasing to you but rather about improving your relationship. And when they are mutually interested in the well-being of their relationship, partners will be motivated to make necessary concessions. In so doing, both partners become architects and bricklayers of their relationship. And so, discovering that your partner is not that perfect, is no longer shock that endangers your relationship but an alarm that awakes you to act in favour of your relationship.

I can’t emphasise it enough, it’s good to bear in mind that the fact of questioning yourself about your partner, and about your relationship, does not necessarily mean you have a wrong person for a partner. And, moreover, if it’s not for a matter of core values and goals; it’s not about having the right person that makes a relationship succeed; but having persons who are ready to accommodate each other for the sake of the mutual interest in their relationship.

If you have come this far, it’s because you are interested in your relationship, and I know that you will make the necessary effort to make your relationship grow and improve out of the questions that you may be posing yourself today.

For now, feel free to encourage and inspire others by a comment or a contribution in the comment space below the post.

Join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group named: COUPLES’ CORNER. You can also subscribe on my blog, https://singlehumanity.com/ to receive new postings by email.

See also:

When You Feel You Have a Wrong Partner
When Men Choose a partner
Choosing your conjugal partner
Recovering the Lamb in your Spouse
When You Fall in love
Couples’ Corner: New Series for your Couple

When You Feel You Have a Wrong Partner

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What happens when you are haunted by the feeling that you have a wrong person for your partner?How do you go about it? Do you leave? 

In the last topic, Choosing your conjugal partner, of our series: Couples’ Corner, we looked at some motivational criteria which influence the choice of the partner for both men and women. However, even when you have clear criteria there is no guarantee that you will have the partner of your dream, that is, the one who has all the qualities we want to see in a partner. So, by compromising on certain qualities, you enter a relationship with a person even though some qualities may be lacking. We mentioned also that compromised qualities may prove to be a source of conflicts later in the relationship. You live under tension of trying to compensate what’s lacking, by looking for satisfaction elsewhere. Besides, it may also be a case of disillusionment, as we saw in When You Fall in love, when you realise that the person you chose for your partner is actually not angelic as you thought. On facing such disconcerting truth, you may begin to have doubts about the future of the relationship with your partner.

Do I have a right mate?

At a certain point, as Rebecca Webber observes, you begin to have second thoughts about your relationship: you wonder “whether your partner is the right one for you”. When you begin to think like that often you paint yourself as a good partner who’s making efforts in the relationship, but you feel your efforts are fruitless because you have a wrong partner. So, you convince yourself that it’s your partner who must change for your relationship to work. In such circumstance, you see only your goodness and nothing of what you need to change -it’s the other, the bad one, who must change.

Collective responsibility

In fact, both of you, as partners, are responsible for the state of your relationship. So, each ought to answer the following questions: what am I doing for our relationship? Is my action or reaction helping to improve or worsen the situation? In posing oneself such introspective questions, you no longer focus on what the other must do, but rather, on your role that is making your relationship to work or to fail. In so doing, you begin to take responsibility.

I would say, when you begin to ask yourself questions whether your partner is the right one for you, it’s a sign that the attraction between you begins to dwindle. The consolation, however, is that having such sentiments doesn’t necessarily mean you actually have a wrong partner. But it may be a good indication that there are unfulfilled needs for which you must take courage to face them. And there’s a mature way of handling them.

Choosing the relationship in the midst of frustrations

You may be feeling frustrated, but the responsible way of dealing with frustrations is not by blaming others. Frustrations are red lights signalling that there’s something here that needs attention. Hence, it’s an occasion, first, to learn about yourself. Then, secondly, you can work out with your partner, without blaming or accusing them, how you can respond to those needs. And that is possible without necessarily having a perfect partner.

In any case, a perfect partner you will never have one. Check it out, probably you are demanding perfection from an imperfect partner. “We all fall in love,” remarks Terrence Real, a family therapist, “with people we think will deliver us from life’s wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub against us.” Well, whatever the case, it’s with an imperfect partner that you ought to work your relationship out the way you want it to be. You need, especially, to learn to love your partner, and have interest in your relationship despite the diminishing love passion. Love is not just infatuation; the will must be involved if you want your love relationship to survive the storms of life.

Infatuation is volatile

Experts in love relationship speak of the duration of infatuation from nine months to four years. It’s the time, as we saw in When You Fall in love, when partners have tendency to not only idealise the other but also to amplify their compatibility; they practically don’t see the differences. If they do, they minimise them. Later, after recovering from love intoxication, you come to see things clearer and more realistically. Then, the differences come to the fore. Such disillusionment can be distressing, leading even to another extreme: from seeing everything as rosy, when you fell in love, to seeing negatives only, when infatuation begins to wane. So, you hurry to conclude that you got a wrong person for a partner. You heap on them all the miseries of your relationship. You may end up seeking happiness outside your relationship, with someone else -in form extra-conjugal affair.

When you demonise your partner

As the expression goes, a sad one indeed, call him a dog and thereafter do with him the way you want. You begin by dehumanising someone in order to justify the way you want to treat them. It may happen in a couple too. It’s enough to demonise your partner to give yourself a leeway to treat them the way you like. That’s why I find quite pertinent the observation of Christine Meinecke, a clinical psychologist: “Rather than look at the other person, you need to look at yourself and ask, why am I suddenly so unhappy and what do I need to do?” If you are honest enough you may come to appreciate, and to your surprise, that it’s not your partner alone who’s at fault. In a mature relationship, adds Meinecke, “we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness and we don’t blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods.” As no one will get all their needs met in their relationship, advise William Doherty, professor of psychology and marriage and family therapist, the way out is to accept the person you have chosen and the one who has chosen you.

Mutual displeasing behaviours

It’s good to remember that what you may find as displeasing behaviour in the partner may be just their reaction to what they find displeasing in you. In the end, you are caught in a kind of vicious circle of displeasing each other. That’s why it may not be right to single out one person as source of the problem in the relationship; it’s a collective responsibility. Then, the fundamental question, as Doherty proposes, is: “In what ways are we failing to make one another happy?”

Check out the second part in the next post.

For now, feel free to encourage and inspire others by a comment or a contribution in the comment space below the post.

Join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group named: COUPLES’ CORNER. You can also subscribe on my blog to receive new postings by email.

See also:

When Men Choose a partner
Choosing your conjugal partner
Recovering the Lamb in your Spouse
When You Fall in love
Couples’ Corner: New Series for your Couple

When Men Choose a partner

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Men’s choice for a partner will vary according to the duration and the goal of the relationship.

Short-term

For short-term relationship, often as extra-conjugal affair, men are less demanding in terms of standard, though physical attractiveness remains important in both short-term and long-term relationships. Men readily involve themselves in multiple casual sexual partners and invest a lot in searching for them. On the contrary, women are more cautious given the cost involved. 

Firstly, should the sexual relationship result into pregnancy, or the affair be known, there’s a risk of ruining their long-term relationship they may have with the official partner. More women are divorced or separated than men for the reason of infidelity. This is not to say women are more unfaithful than men, probably the contrary is true, but generally there’s more tolerance for a man’s infidelity than that of a woman; the situation described as double standard. Even though the situation is changing, nevertheless, the double standard remains. Men will have tendency, different from women, towards short- term relationships. For that they are less demanding because it may be just for company or sexual relationship. However, it’s a different when a man decides to commit himself with someone for a relationship of long duration.

Long-term

When a man decides to settle for a durable relationship like marriage, there you find certain elements like faithfulness, health, age and everything related to reproduction are considered before he commits himself to a woman in a relationship. What may be considered as traits of physical beauty for a woman, often, are those traits that are culturally perceived as signs of fertility or maturity for reproduction.

Personal and behavioural attributes

One of the major differences between men and women is the attitude towards sexual fidelity. A woman with whom a man wants to have a long-term relationship, that is, with whom he wants to found a family and have children, her fidelity is something that affects him profoundly, especially psychologically. In fact, it can be a source of stress for a man in the attempt to avoid the risk of investing himself in raising children fathered by someone else. That may explain the sexual jealousy that has marked the relationship of men and women in many societies, for example, patriarchal societies with strong social and sexual control on the women. Hence, you have control tactics like: demand for virginity at marriage, genital mutilation in the hope of reducing sexual desire. Even though today we speak no more of chastity belts, worn by women to prevent them from engaging themselves into arbitrary sexual relationships, nevertheless, you may still find attitudes or mechanisms of control put in place even in our societies today that serve as modern chastity belts by controlling and limiting social interaction of women.

Conflict from unmet expectations

While both men and women have criteria in the choice of a potential partner, however, one does not always arrive at having for a partner the person who meets all the requirements. This is because choosing a partner is engaging oneself into market race against other men or women, as competitors. As a result, it’s possible that one enters marriage having compromised on certain elements. Let’s take some examples.

A woman may have a partner who is financially well off, but may be, that person is lacking in personal traits such as being generous, kind and warm as women would want to see in a partner.  Or one may enter marriage based on romantic love, but the partner lacks the financial and cultural status, which are important for woman as source of security. The compromise makes it possible for one to go ahead with a relationship while certain elements are lacking. But that can be a source of conflicts later in the relationship.

One possible consequence of compromising on certain criteria is having extra-conjugal affairs to compensate or to get the satisfaction that may be lacking in that long-term relationship. That’s why the cases of infidelity may not be inspired merely by promiscuity tendencies but will be calculated relationships in order to get some benefits -financial benefit or romantic love, which may be lacking in the official relationship. Let’s take a scenario:

A lady decides to marry a man because of financial security and yet there’s no emotional connection between them. Here, we have a case of romantic compromise. She enjoys quite all right the luxury and yet she is bothered by the yearning for love, that is, to be with a man with whom she feels emotionally connected. It’s the same for a man to whom physical attractiveness is important, yet, for a long-term relationship he may consider a lady who may not be that physically attractive but perhaps she excels in other areas such as fertility, faithfulness, care; to mention but just some. It means there’s a compromise. In such cases it’s not rare to see unsatisfied partners go out, in form of extra-conjugal affairs, to get the satisfaction that they miss in their official relationships.

What’s the relevance of the chat?

Our chat on this topic, Choice of a conjugal partner, puts you face to face with the motives that led you to choosing the partner you have today. It’s important for you to check out: what is it that you find fulfilling in your relationship with your partner? And what are you missing? And above all, how are you managing those aspects where you find that your partner does not respond to all the aspirations you had for a partner?  

Of course, it’s just unrealistic to expect finding a perfect person. You won’t find one; they simply don’t exist. However, we know that unfulfilled desires can be a source of many conflicts, as well shall see later in the next topics. In fact, after going through unmet expectations some people may even come to convince themselves that they have married a wrong person.

What do you do, then? How do you deal with such sentiment that leaves you feeling you married a wrong person? Do you leave your partner? We look at that in the next topic.

Join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group named: COUPLES’ CORNER. You can also subscribe on my blog, https://singlehumanity.com/, so that you receive new postings by email.

Feel free to leave here below your comment, contribution or question.

See previous posts:

Choosing your conjugal partner

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What would be the most important thing that a person is looking for in life? From face value one is likely to think money or having a good a job. While these things are important however according to the recent researches conducted in France and in the USA, both studies affirm family life or being in a couple as priority number one. And many would consider satisfaction in life, in general, in terms of satisfaction in their couple. When one is happy in their couple, they are likely to be happy also in other areas of life, such as professional life. And similarly, the stress that one experiences in an unfulfilling relationship will impact negatively their job too. That explains the seriousness of choosing a partner for you are dealing with a relationship that is determinant for your wellbeing.

Choosing a partner, not random

Indeed, though getting into a couple may appear as something that comes by chance, yet, it’s not that haphazard. There are certain criteria at play, consciously or unconsciously, which will draw one person to considering another person for a relationship partner. Such criteria may be conditioned by the duration of the relationship, long-term or short term as well as what one is looking for in that relationship. Besides, you will also remark differences between what men and women want to see in a potential partner. Cultural and personal factors influence also the choice. Without going into great details, we shall consider briefly those factors.

For what?

But what does choice of a partner have to do with you, especially if you are already in a couple which implies you have already made a choice? Indeed, the choice you made, for some, long time ago continues to impact your life and your relationship today. So, the motivation is the point of departure of your relationship that can help you to understand each other. In fact, the criteria that you put in place for choosing your partner, somehow, express your expectations in your relationship -we shall look at expectations later. Here it suffices to state that in order to move on the same wavelength with your partner it’s important to know what’s important to them. While we can consider the choice of a partner from different angles, here I intend to tackle it from the motivation point of view. Later, we may consider some other angles too.

Sexual differences in choosing a partner

Both men and women have elements that they consider important in choosing a partner. Some are cardinal and others are only luxurious. What a woman would consider as cardinal element may only be marginal to a man. So, let’s look at what men and women would be looking for in a potential partner so that finally we may see what constitutes the difference, in terms of gender.

In general, however, women will consider as important choosing a person who has social and economic resources, whereas men will be drawn by physical attractiveness. The determinant factor in such difference lies in the difference of the level of investment that a woman and a man put into in that relationship, and its consequences on their life.

Women’s choice for a partner

Women, particularly in the long-term relationship, will prefer a man who has a stable material, economic situation capable of supporting them and their children. Hence, its’s not by chance that a woman will fall for a man slightly older than her, that is, someone who’s settled or with some potential for material security. Physical attractiveness, though important, however, may not be the determining element. This is by no means to say that women are avaricious. That’s not the point! They are simply conscious of the importance of their investment in parenthood which is more than that of men. For example, after a sexual relationship that ends in pregnancy, a man may disappear, and may not even what has happened; but for a woman, she has to carry the baby for 9 months and nurse the little one closely before that baby is strong enough. Aware of such responsibility, women are normally careful about such a choice for they are aware of the possible consequences.

We may understand why, in some cultures, some women who would be ready to enter polygamous marriage, or remain as mistress to a married man, if their material security and that of their children is assured; instead of being poor in a monogamous relationship.  Being security conscious, women tend to be choosy especially when it comes to long term relationship. And there the physical attractiveness of a man does not count as priority. It may be different in a case of short-term relationship.

It may happen also, especially in cases where a woman is financially secure, as is the case in the modern society or that the woman has passed reproduction age, hence, there’s no longer the risk of pregnancy with its consequent costs; in that case, they too will look for physical attractiveness in the man they consider for potential partner.

Cultural factors

In marriage which is more of a social institution economic and social status become the criteria as is the case in most traditional societies. As for the youths today, with women financially independent and in search for romantic marriage, a person with whom they have an intimate connection becomes a primary criterion. Some will even prefer struggling, financially, with a partner they love to living in luxury with a partner with whom they have no intimate connection.

Personal and behavioural attributes

While in some cases divorced or separated persons may be extra careful in the choice of new partner in order to avoid an unhappy experience they may have had in the previous relationship, nevertheless, such persons may be vulnerable, as result, they may be less discriminating. If they hope to have children, women may be racing against time to have a man before their reproduction age elapses. Besides, they may face serious competition with younger women making it hard for them to have a man of their criteria. In some cases, economic precarity can be a contributing factor. Hence, they are likely to jump onto any offer of relationship with relaxed conditions. The risk, consequently, is to find themselves in a relationship with someone they wouldn’t normally choose for a partner. However, material possessions are not enough to win a woman for long term relationship. To that we should add personal traits. Women appreciate a generous and kind man; a selfish and violent man will not fare well on the “market” even if he’s rich.

Negative elements to avoid

Apart from the positive elements that one seeks in the potential partner there are also those which one wants to avoid. Such traits are also gendered, that is, there are differences between men and women. For example, while infidelity will be a most likely cause of divorce or separation against the unfaithful women; lack of material support will be the most likely motive of divorce or separation against a man. The point is not that women are more unfaithful than men, in fact, it’s the contrary; rather it’s has something to do with the different expectations that men and women have especially in a long-term relationship.

We shall precise this point when we deal with the second part of this topic when we look at men’s choice for a partner and the possible conflicts that may arise when you enter a relationship compromising on certain criteria.

In the mean time you can check to see: what were your criteria in choosing your conjugal partner? Does your partner fulfil them? How are they impacting your relationship today?

Bye for now! And check out for the second part in the next post!

Join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group named: COUPLES’ CORNER. You can also subscribe on my blog so that you receive new postings by email.

Feel free to leave here below your comment, contribution or question.

See previous posts:

When You Fall in love

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Hi! I’m Fr Evans Chama, I propose to you, Falling in love as our next topic in our series (Couples’ Corner: New Series for your Couple) in which we chat about various issues concerning life in the couple.

But what does falling in love have to do with you?

Falling in love, I can imagine, it’s the topic you least expect at this time seeing the number of years some of you may have spent with your partner in the relationship or marriage. However, I can assure you, you have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

In fact, in order to advance in life, especially after meeting challenges in the course of your relationship, you need to stop and trace where you are coming from. And what better point to start from if not the time when you fell in love with your better half? Such visit to your past may help you to identify issues that have been the cause of knots, or lumps, in your relationship.

What happens when you fall in love?

When you fall in love you are captivated, or drawn, by someone. Often the point of attraction are differences between you two as persons. In other words, you are drawn by the qualities of the other person, those qualities which you may be lacking. Such opposite traits are called complementary traits.  An introvert person, for example, will most likely be drawn by an extrovert person. Such experience, as you remember your own, can be quite overwhelming. That explains certain tendencies.

What are some of such tendencies?

You idealise the person you have fallen in love with, it’s like they are an angel to you. And you minimise even the apparent imperfections. In fact, everything about that person is quite amusing to you. At such moment, any advice against the relationship is little appreciated even when the concerns may be well founded. But where does such obstinacy come from? You may wonder.

Well, I would begin by saying, it’s not easy to advise a person who’s drunk. And falling in love has similar effects as when a person is under the influence of drugs. That’s why it’s not an ideal moment to take important decisions when you are under the charm of such strong love feelings. At this moment, you are likely to entertain the illusion that the imperfections you notice in the would-be partner are trivial; you will easily manage them. So, you hear some people say, especially women, “I will change him”. Well, today you can check to see how much you have managed to change your partner.

Facing the moment of truth

When emotions have settled, you begin to see things much clearer and more realistically than before. Then, you realise that the other is not an angel you thought them to be; they are blood and flesh like any other with their strengths and weaknesses. And the traits in them that you once found amusing may turn out to be pretty annoying. It’s not necessarily because the partner has changed, it’s your way of looking them that has changed. And what may be more disturbing is to face the “failure” of not being able to change the partner as you thought to. You are disillusioned.  

That’s where I see the relevance of revisiting the beginning of your relationship -when you fell in love. Why? Today you may have a blockage somewhere in your relationship owing to the fact that you continue blaming your partner that they can’t change. Such frustration feeds on your illusion that you can change your partner, and so you attempt to change them. But, in fact, you can’t change another person – you simply have no power to do so. The only person you can change is yourself.

If this is an issue in your couple, then, you need to come to terms with such truth, which may be disconcerting. Besides, the success of your relationship does not depend on changing your partner but rather understanding and respecting them in their difference.

You might as well need to come to terms with certain things that you had ignored as inconsequential imperfections which, today, you realise that   they are not as petty as you had earlier thought. So, it may be helpful for you to see: What are those things you ignored that may be causing pain in your couple today? Is there a way out, or do you see yourself like someone caught in a kind of deadlock?

But you can have positive impact on your partner

However, the fact that you can’t change your partner doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do about it. Talk about that with your partner, presenting issues as you see them and how you feel about them, but without judging or accusing the other. Sometimes it takes your openness to make your partner aware of the suffering they inflict on you by their behaviour, and possibly incite them to change. It means that though you may find something annoying in your partner does not necessarily mean they do them deliberately to irritate you. Hence, communication is key in improving your relationship. I intentionally use the word “improving”. Why?

Have no illusion to think that your partner will change completely; nevertheless, it’s encouraging to acknowledge the effort they begin to make towards making a better couple.

If you look into your relationship, you certainly discover issues that have been training behind you from the time you fell in love. Hence, such visit to your past is a way of addressing unresolved issues in your couple, which is necessary for you two to move on. Indeed, this chat will have attained its purpose if it incites you to address issues of your relationship that have remained unattended to for long time. It’s time to face your past in order to move on.

Riding on the happy past

Besides, memories of the satisfying relationship in your early days can also help to rejuvenate your relationship. So, go back to those days when you were courting and pick out elements that can help you today to move your relationship a step further. In short, the experience of falling remains an important foundation of your relationship. It’s useful to revisit such founding experience in order to refuel yourselves. That’s the intention of this series.

And feel free to encourage and inspire others by a comment or a contribution in the comment area below the post on the blog.

Join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group named: COUPLES’ CORNER. You can also subscribe on my blog so that you receive new postings by email.

See also:    Couples’ Corner: New Series for your Couple

Recovering the Lamb in your Spouse

 

 

 

 

 

 

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