We have come to the end of our chats on expectations in a couple. Just to recap: we looked at what expectations are and what they can do to your couple. We saw low and high expectations and their possible impact on your relationship. In the last chat, we addressed also the question of realistic and unrealistic expectations. If you missed these parts, you can always go back by following the links, at the end of this post.
And in this concluding part on expectations, we want to emphasize the importance of harmonizing your expectations. It’s way, in fact, of making a couple despite the fact that you are two different persons making that couple.
Harmonising expectations in your couple
Whatever expectations you have, talk about them to your partner. And remember that your partner also has expectations depending on the family of origin, personality and needs. By talking, you try to harmonise, you try to constitute one couple. Your partner may challenge some of your expectations, just like you, also, can challenge theirs, if they are not realistic.
Depending on your upbringing you may expect, for example, as head of the family, to be placed on the pedestal. But perhaps your partner sees things differently.
Or you may see it as normal to run your home from your pocket, as things may have happened in the family in which you grew up, where your wife doesn’t even know how much you earn. You see things as normal. Yet, you may be married to a woman who believes, and thus expects you, that you declare your salary so that together you make the budget. It’s by dialogue that you can try to reconcile your different hopes and beliefs which you may be carrying in yourself, concerning your couple.
Seeing the important influence that expectations can have on your relationship, during courtship is good time to talk about, especially those important expectations. Don’t waste your time just saying nice things to prove you are the ideal girl or ideal boy to marry. Neither is it time to be saying yes to every demand of the partner. Be open and genuine. Say what you like and what you don’t like. It’s a period to see if you can, or not, go ahead with the relationship. Unfortunately, here some people miss the point, and they end up making serious mistakes, to their regret later on.
In face of evident signs, contrary to their expectations for a marriage partner, some people decide to go ahead to marry the person with the illusion that: “I will change him”; but only to find themselves later miserable in their marriage. You can’t change the other, you simply cannot!
Expectations vs goals
In conclusion, we esteem it important to mark the difference between expectations and goals. For whatever aspirations you would like to realise in your couple, it’s not enough just to have expectations. You need also the will to act in the manner that will help you realise those expectations. Then, what’s the difference between expectations and goals?
Goals are fixed in relation to clear action plan, and they are flexible. In this way, when circumstances arise which change the plan of action, even the goals are likely to be modified. In a way, goals are also expectations but always with the necessary action. So, a goal is not about wishful thinking! You must act! Expectations, on the contrary, may be simple aspirations without necessarily putting in place the means of realising them. So, you can see if you content yourself with simple aspirations in your couple, or if you are really committed to act in the way that will enable you to realise your dreams in, and for, couple.
Finally, I just want to leave you with the questions with which we opened this chat on expectations. So, what are some of your expectations in your couple? Where do they come from? What are you doing in order to fulfil them? How are they affecting your couple?
To keep update with our achats on the issues of family, couples and sexuality, we invite you to join us on WhatsApp or Facebook group: COUPLES’ CORNER. You can also subscribe on my blog: singlehumanity.com/ to receive new postings by email.